So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
