woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
