My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
