If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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