they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
