There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
