just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
