True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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