She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
