she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
