On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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