Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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