just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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