Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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