tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
