i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
