hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
