does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize