i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
