Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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