the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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