I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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