She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize