it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
