I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
