Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize