i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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