I love black thongs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
