he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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