I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
