Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
