Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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