its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
