I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
