Princesses don't give blow jobs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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