I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
