just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
