from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
