Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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