He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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