it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
