Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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