I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
