Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
