Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
