Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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