dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
