shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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