Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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