from now on my penis is your penis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
