every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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