Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize