i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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