This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
