if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
