i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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