I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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