I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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