u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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