At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this is an emotional support booty call
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
