I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
