Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
