Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
