New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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