The maid of honor just puked.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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