do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
