the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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