Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
