Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
