you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize