Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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