i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
