i just google imaged poop.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
