i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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