it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
