Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
