ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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