you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
