He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
