I just pynch a tree in the face
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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