Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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