you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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