i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
