If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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