it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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