I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize