I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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