this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
