Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
