In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
