if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
